Executive Function Life Coaching
Have you ever been told by your family or friends that you are "lazy" or "unmotivated"?
If you answered yes, in my experience, your families and friends have been misinformed. They say these things thinking it will encourage you to stop presenting those behaviours, instead of recognizing all behaviour as a form of communication. Someone laying on the couch for hours on end might be mentally, physically, or emotionally burnt out. A person who reacts harshly to criticism may be experiencing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (which has high comorbidity with ADHD). An individual who refuses to do the dishes might have a sensory aversion. If you can recognize the patterns of behaviour and uncover the hidden communication, you can find ways to adjust the habits to work with a person instead of against them.
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In my opinion and experience, laziness is a label society has given to those who aren't productive in a way that is considered socially appropriate.
The appearance of laziness indicates a more significant situation, a symptom, and the negative labelling will rarely motivate neurodivergent people to find a way to make the situation better independently.
Many of my clients reach out to me for life coaching after they find themselves spinning their wheels for some time. They know they are intelligent and capable, but for a variety of reasons can't seem to move in the direction of their dreams and goals. Sometimes even the day-to-day tasks of keeping a home or self-care feel destabilizing and exhausting. This is especially true for those with ADHD, ASD, depression, anxiety, or any diagnosis of neurodiversity.
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So, what can we do about it?
Whatever your goals are, we can look for the barriers holding you back and make adjustments to move you forward.
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Start by knowing, you're not "just lazy"!
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It often takes a lot of digging to reveal the hidden or unconscious coping mechanisms which are holding you back. You created the coping mechanisms in order to survive situations that were traumatic, or where you were set up to fail.
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My process isn't to "talk it out of you" as they do in some types of therapy (though I do find therapy has many positive benefits for most people).
Instead, I approach your barriers from the standpoint of the goals themselves. We look at the steps needed to accomplish your goal, we find out where you're getting stuck, we learn about where and how your executive functions are a barrier, then we learn to apply strategies to overcome whatever is holding you back.
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This process takes a willingness on your part to do some personal exploration which will allow me to help you find the best strategies for your unique brain.
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After an intake meeting, where we determine your goals and discuss any known barriers, we usually meet once a week. A regular meeting is important for the accountability aspect of the process. It is important to commit to practicing the strategies and then show up to discuss if they work or if they need to be adjusted.
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We work together to set realistic small goals that can be achieved even with a full-time work schedule, kids, or other commitments.
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Executive functions can only get better with practice. It's like working out a muscle, it will take time and practice to get better at that which is holding you back.
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In a compassionate, non-traditional way, we learn specific ways to navigate the following:
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Planning and calendar management
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Time management
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How to navigate task initiation - getting started
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How to optimize sustained attention - staying focused
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What to do about transitions - moving between tasks
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How to incorporate strategic breaks
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How to regulate emotions
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Home management techniques for cleaning and organizing
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Communication strategies for family and for work
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